NYFW (which of course was like a month ago): Musings on my Top 15 Collections (#12-10)

#12, Y & Kei:
According to style.com, Hanii Yoon and Gene Kang (aka Y & Kei) drew inspiration for this collection upon admiring the apparently über-modern architecture of downtown Melbourne, Australia's Federation Square, but for the straight shooting Americans who couldn't give two damns about anything in fashion that isn't New York but especially not Australia, well I think we can safely say that Y & Kei actually got the inspiration for this collection from 1930s Deco. In NYC, obvi. Or maybe I'm just writing that because when I saw and fell in love with this collection, I was absolutely certain that its inspiration was Deco, and so certain that I was a fashion f***in' master, and so proud of myself for being so certain, that when I read the "truth" on style.com, I was crushed. I had so wanted to write things in my blog like "the not-so-subtle Van Alen references give the centerpieces of this collection a certain optimistic, well, progressive, and protective feel; but in the end, this feeling is deceitful, as the overall look eventually overwhelms the onlooker and becomes Big Brother just when he or she is falling for a modern Mother Teresa" while waving my imaginary ciggie in the air and using my Katherine Hepburn voice. Whoops, I did all that anyway...

#11, Temperley:
Temperley's disarmingly ladylike, polite looks for the healthy 'n' wealthy London termagant (yes, this collection debuted in New York, though Temperley is based in London), inspire me to take up equestrian. Actually, they inspire me to BE equestrian - or just equine. Just look at the black beauty legs on those ladies! And those gorgeous, sporty, platform mid-calfs - fashion horsepower. But you know, paired with the girlish elements of cornflower blue, 60's floral prints, shiny, exaggerated buttons, and silk organza, these horses are in fact ponies. Pretty, adorable, little ponies. MY little ponies. Oh, I want to be a My Little Pony! I want rainbows tattooed onto my haunches! I want sparkles in my eyes! I want a magical fast-growing mane! I want a comb to match my magical fast-growing mane! I want Barbie to ride on my back to far away lands! I want to have a really gay name like "Lady Daffodil Parade " or "Bunny Rabbit Sunshine!" I want my older brother's GI Joes to take advantage of Barbie and his dinosaurs to take advantage of me! I want my Brother to write "Sofa King We Todded" on me with a crayola permanent marker! I want it! And if I can't have it, I'll just have to have Temperley!

#10, Vena Cava:
Q: How do hipsters in New York City differ from hipsters in smaller towns (like Athens, GA)?

A: NYH's buy $60 product to give their hair the never-washed, just-out-of-bed effect whereas STH's simply spend too much time in bed and don't wash their hair, because all they do anyway is go to Goodwill and it's not like they need to impress anybody there; NYH's buy brand new Chucks and scuff them up instead of just buying used Chucks or knockoffs at Goodwill; NYH's buy $450 Marc by MJ coats and $175 Miu Miu glasses and Trovata this and Proenza Schouler that and the odd Junya Watanabe for special occasions rather than buying 90% of their clothes at Goodwill; NYH's have iPod Nanos rather than good old fashioned Diskmans that they got at Goodwill; NYH's eat whole meals at expensive organic restaurants versus just grabbing a bag of Doritos from the gas station next to Goodwill; NYH's have modern record players rather than used ones from Goodwill like STH's have.

These are New York hipsters.
These are small town hipsters.

If the New York hipster and the Small Town hipster did it, I imagine their child would look something like this Vena Cava collection. Hipsters unite!

NYFW (which of course was like a month ago): Musings on my Top 15 Collections (#15-13)

#15, Michael Kors:

This look makes me want to take the city bus downtown to a UNICEF gala, to present 17-year-old João Fernando Gaucho of Brazil, this year's recipient of the "Voice of Youth" award for excellence in not being in a gang, to the audience. It should be known, however, that the only reason I would have agreed to present such an award would be to wear my immaculate, classy but (if we're honest here) slutty cropped Michael Kors wool blend coat situation, with the express purpose of crouching down a bit to kiss João Fernando on the cheek in such a fashion that he would not be able to avoid glancing down at my SICK hot Park Avenue thighs and lusting after me. And no one would be able to accuse me of indecency because I'd be in Michael Kors, for Christ's sake! In the hotel room that night, I would ask João Fernando what the most frustrating drug deal he had ever pulled off back in the favelas was. He would play a little game with me about it for a while, trying to act all "but I don't do that kind of thing," and "are you trying to bust me, mrs. Robinson?", but with some liquid and some sexual persuasion, he would tell me that it was that one time when the chupadors de caralho accused him of selling them Arm & Hammer. We would have a laugh about it, and then he'd pass out and I'd steal his passport and drug money.

#13, DKNY:

This season for DKNY, Donna Karan's more economical, youth-geared brand, the DeKe did the grey menswear look thing everybody else was doing, only hers stuck to more of a gunmetal grey theme, not a gray grey one, and though she used more masculine fabrics for these impish pieces, she once again used her magical Donna Karan hand - a hand which will mystically turn any basic staple item (shift dress, men's pant, work blouse) into the most well-fitting, "I Am Woman" piece of American Sportswe-

-oh wait, I forgot, you don't care about Donna Karan. But you WILL (or SHOULD) care about this bitch: Irina Lazareanu, the model wearing the hot DKNY look in the picture here. Irina is my favorite model right now. She is Canadian, but she was born Romanian. As a supermodel, it isn't acceptable have two nationalities, but you CAN have one nationality and have a name affiliated with another - i.e. Canadian Daria Werbowy (Polish name); French Filippa Hamilton (Swedish name); Brazillian Gisele Bundchen (German name) - in fact, if you DON'T have this, you might as well not even try. Or at least you should stop eating those saltines, fatty, or your feet will never come into contact with any runway. Stick to carrot sticks, but only if you ABSOLUTELY must eat something...

...But Irina's set. Not only does she not need to diet because of all the coke she probably does with Pete Doherty and Kate Moss (who took her under their wings, mind you; after being discovered by Kate Moss, Irina played drums in the Babyshambles for a short while), but she doesn't have to do anything about her name, it's already just pretentious enough. She has long brown bedhead, thin enough to grease 'n' piece for an effective heroin chic look for Calvin Klein shows, but enough of it to bouffant beautifully for a Moschino ad. She's totes more rock and roll than her BFF Freja Beha Erichsen, the other 'it' model of the moment (although, I admit, Freja's pretty damn rock and roll, certainly more rock and roll than Maryna 'Lightweight' Linchuk or Sasha 'Poser' Pivovarova or Raquel fucking Zimmerman). Even if the Babyshambles and Pete Doherty suck, Irina's still rock and roll. She's the type of woman who, upon encountering for the first time, you'd immediately want to fall into some tragic, Godardian relationship with. But you couldn't do that, in fact you would never even encounter her for the first time, because she's unattainable, and elite (the adjective, not the agency - she rolls with Marilyn, yo), and rock and roll, and Canadian/Romanian, and cool, and you are not, are you? No. And you never will be (at least until you stop pouring reduced-fat ranch dressing all over your leafy greens, honey, 'reduced fat' is for 31-year-old twice-divorced cheerleading coaches, not 17-year-old Romanian street urchin supermodels).

#13, Lela Rose:

Again, another youthful collection, but this time all girl. Everything was fun, cute, sweet, girl. This look in particular makes me want to work at a crayon factory. It could just be the waxy look of the fabric, but I like to think that it's just the fact that this model looks like she should still be using crayons to color in her Barney coloring book. Actually, in that adorable dark cerise dropwaist, she kind of looks like Barney! Or at least one of the little girls that Barney brainwashed I mean enlightened. I mean, look at the expression on her expressionless face. Sheer, guileless enlightenment.

New York Fashion Week Fall 2007

Before I write about it...get a visual.
My top 15 favorite collections. 15 pictures from the #1, 1 picture from #15, etc.
(It's my blog and I'll cover the entire thing with expensive clothes if I want to.)